We've compiled a list of top 80 funny sarcastic sayings and awesome quotes about sarcasm. We all know you’re doing it for attention and we all know that you’ll be back! I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault. Weather forecast for tonight: Dark with a chance of tomorrow in the morning. So I poked her. Shop unique Funny Quarantine Quotes face masks designed and sold by independent artists. Here we have compiled some of the best and humorous quotes as the new funny status that you will love to post on your Facebook profile. People who smile while they are alone used to be called insane until we invented smartphones and social media. Jul 3, 2020 - This Pin was discovered by Innocent☺ Jamuna. Feb 9, 2020 - This Pin was discovered by Innocent☺ Jamuna. Somedays I feel like running away. Lift your spirits with funny jokes, trending memes, entertaining gifs, inspiring stories, viral videos, and so much more. your own Pins on Pinterest. Jul 3, 2020 - This Pin was discovered by Innocent☺ Jamuna. Whenever you need some funny Facebook status lines to make funny Facebook posts or funny status updates these funny Facebook quotes will help you the most. Filed Under: Quotes. How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count? (100 Photos) By: Bob. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked. Image: iStock. Also, you can use these funny Facebook statuses for your selfies, profile pictures and funny Caption for Facebook. Smiling at the bitch who hates you.” ”It is funny how the people who know me the least have the most to say.” ”Be so they can’t ignore you.” ”There are two circumstances that lead to arrogance, one is when you are wrong and you can’t face it. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, “Who murdered this guy with a pipe?”. My relationship is like an iPad. If you are looking for funny Facebook cover photos to make your profile unique, then you are in the right place. Hilarious one-liners, blonde jokes, yo' mama jokes, knock-knock jokes, clean jokes, dirty jokes and pick up lines. My ex-girlfriend’s status said suicidal and standing on the edge. No religion on earth condones the killing of innocent people; no faith tradition tolerates the random killing of our brothers and sisters on this earth. Let's see some funny sayings that every parent will surely relate to. You can use them as funny DP caption, funny text, hilarious Facebook posts even as funny Facebook comments or Facebook story. When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, “My wife took everything when she left”. Advertisement. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. Discover (and save!) Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can…. "Light travels faster than sound. Jan 20, 2016 - There's always a wild side to an innocent face. I was s*exually harassed at work by my boss. Sometimes I drink water – just to surprise my liver. I don’t have an iPad. Go home and love your family. I’m going to invent a new pill called Niagra that stops erections. Collection of cool and funny facebook status quotes that will bring smile on your face instantly. Quotes. Save a boyfriend for a rainy day – and another, in case it doesn’t rain. “To those who abuse: the sin is yours, the crime is yours, and the shame is yours. I’m sorry I slapped you. Stupid is stupid, when you ignore them, it is not anti-social, it is anti-stupid. Rose Quotes – 40 Beautiful Rose Flower Quotes. Jan 11, 2016 - There's always a wild side to an innocent face. Technically, I don’t have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I’m not doing anything. Can’t stand me? I’m self-employed. Roses are red, Facebook is blue, No mutual friends, Who the hell are you? Single is not a status. Sometimes it takes me a full 8 hours to get nothing done. Nobody pissed me off today… I got to get out more. 387 Liked! I’m that friend you have to explain to people before you introduce me… And apologize for after. All our funny pictures are unique and beautiful in their own way. Quotes. Some of these quotes are by famous people and some others by mere commoners like you and me. 16 Hilariously Innocent Coronavirus Tweets To Help Take Your Mind Off Things. Status, Captions & Quotes for Facebook, Whatsapp & Instagram. What can you do to promote world peace? Even when I change my mind, it still doesn’t work any better. Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. $15.00 $ 15. And of course, it perfectly describes you! My wife and I have a perfect understanding. Without further ado, here are 40 Facebook quotes for your enemies, also know as the stupid people you wished you never knew. Because the mask is your face, the face is a mask, so I'm thinking of the face as a mask because of the way I see faces is coming from an African vision of the mask which is the thing that we carry around with us, it is our presentation, it's our front, it's our face. Montaigne I have come to look on my face as a mask behind which the reality is the reality that it hides. Image: iStock. I’m wondering why logging onto Facebook has become a part of the everyday routine?… Do I really have nothing better to do! Alcohol! If I should arrive before I get back, please ask me to wait. here are … Stay safe, eat cake. Quote 3: Never underestimate the power of a smile. Tie my shoes. The kids next door challenged me to a water balloon fight. I never thought I’d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning … I was right! The father is Nutella. You don’t have to like me, I’m not a Facebook status. Thankfully, some of our favorite comedians can relate, and we found the best funny love quotes they've spoken or written to prove it. I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”. See more ideas about funny quotes, funny, quotes. But if you go through that change — and it lasts quite a … It’s okay if you don’t like me. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back. It’s amazing the things I can remember when I don’t need to remember anything. If you can fake that, you’re in. changing your facebook timeline cover pictures with these amazing funny pictures is the way to engage your friends with funny … Life is like a box of chocolates. See more ideas about funny… See more ideas about funny quotes, funny, quotes. Then I remember how much I hate running. Be the ENTIRE problem. Explore 58 Funny Guy Quotes by authors including Joe Rogan, James Acaster, and Kate McKinnon at BrainyQuote. your own Pins on Pinterest. People often mistake me for being a good listener. There is a variety in these naughty quotes. Feb 19, 2020 - This Pin was discovered by Innocent☺ Jamuna. Join us on Facebook Join us on Twitter Join us on Google+ The best way to change a woman’s mind is to agree with her. Kids say the darndest things, often to the surprise and confusion of their parents. Discover (and save!) People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they’re likely to cause. It is a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others. Dec 25, 2020 1707 Liked! Alle hier gelisteten Short funny quotes sind jederzeit auf Amazon.de zu haben und sofort in Ihren Händen. I’ve gone out to find myself. I hate when homesless people shake their cup of coins at me. Remember…it’s only embarrassing if you care what people think. Use it on your facebook wall ( or even on your twitter, whatsup profile) and have few laughs. Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead. If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer…. Sit back down. If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook. Jan 16, 2021 01/16/21. So when I see someone post something stupid I can like it, and it will say ‘Nobody Likes This’. The Poke option is okay, but when is Facebook going to come out with a Punch option? Kids can give us some of the best reasons to laugh till our eyes water. Alle in der folgenden Liste gelisteten Short funny quotes sind direkt auf amazon.de erhältlich und somit extrem schnell vor Ihrer Haustür. If you like this post, do share it. Dec 21, 2012 - innocent-face-dangerous-eyes: Funny Quotes, LOL Quotes, Funny Quotes Graphics, Funny Sayings 02.11.2017 - Funny Quotes lustige Sprüche. It’s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy. Funny Captions: Nowadays, hilarious and funny captions are what made sharing photos on Instagram or Facebook funnier than before. Funny Facebook Status: This is the best ever post of Funny Facebook Status for all the Facebook users out there. The truth is, I really just don’t want to talk. Naughty quotes are the short written lines that for sure bring a joyful laugh on the face of the reader. Today’s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus. Image: iStock. If you ever get an email about pork, ham, salt, and preservatives, don’t open it. But I do have the biggest heart to love you with. When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark. I’m sorry I slapped you. Men trying out the new ‘monkey tail’ beard trend (25 photos) By: Alex. 4.8 (96.67%) 6 votes . Having any message / Quote to be included in our list? Adding you as my friend doesn’t mean I like you, I did it just to increase my friend list. Looking for the best sarcastic quotes? I don’t like people who can’t make fun of themselves. I know what you’re doing right now… You’re reading on my wall, Right! Quotes By Emotions. The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza. I wish I can also make a baby smile, mostly I just make them cry and I do not know truly why. Got a problem with me? Funny ~ Good Morning ~ Images ~ Quotes added a new photo to the album: "Love" Thinking of You . Funny Status Messages - Funny Tweets & Funny Captions, 100+ Caption For Friends - Touchy, Funny and Best Friend Captions, Funniest WhatsApp Status - Short & Funny Quotes for WhatsApp, 100 King Status and King Captions in English, Swag Bio for Instagram – Short, Classy & Trendy, One Word Caption – Best Single Word Captions, Birthday Captions for Yourself – Happy Birthday To Myself. Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a “gym.”. Not everyone has good taste. There's always a wild side to an innocent face. They can be innocent, silly, smart, deceptive, and mischievous all at once, but you'll still love them to death. I am on a seafood diet. Funny Positive Quotes .. Travel the world until your Facebook’s check-ins finished! If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre. - … Please pray for me. Discover (and save!) Thanks to Facebook, I now know what everyone’s bathroom looks like! Weitere Ideen zu lustige sprüche, sprüche, witzige sprüche. Or not. … Now read without the word dog. I don’t ask how you’re still married. I like confusing kids by telling them I’m older than the internet. There’s always a frightening point when your face starts to change, and that’s when you want to change it. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked. 47,040 talking about this. Fun Quotes. May You Need : Funny Jokes for Facebook Post. Quotes By Emotions. Worst transformer ever. Not everyone wants to see you happy. I don’t have the prettiest face for you to see or the skinniest waist for you to hold. Image of innocence, happiness, funny - 61651349 Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends. Light travels faster than sound. Facebook is where hypocrisy, falseness, double standards, rumors, and depression meet up for coffee. For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I’m 82. your own Pins on Pinterest. If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to the height of your ego and jump down to your IQ level. Funny Facebook Status: This is the best ever post of Funny Facebook Status for all the Facebook users out there. The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money, “I ran a half marathon” sounds so much better than “I quit halfway through a marathon”. Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me. Even though no 1 person could either recall or evaluate all prospective threat elements, following are a few of the most frequent ones discussed in the books. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! I did the math. Discover (and save!) I’m keeping you there so you will be able to see how happy I am without you. It’s like a normal shower but with me in it. Come over to the dark side…we’ve got candy. Solve it. If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they’d put cocaine back in their recipe. Stop asking why I’m still single. I’ve compiled a list of the very best selfie quotes that range from funny to romantic. I’m really good in bed. This is why some people appear bright until they speak." By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn’t believe me. Funny Selfie Quotes.. Fun Quotes. That’s cool. It’s crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball… But won’t keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry. I wish I can also make a baby smile, mostly I just make them cry and I do not know truly why. If people are talking behind your back, then just fart. 9) Whenever you need some funny Facebook status lines to make funny Facebook posts or funny status updates these funny Facebook quotes will help you the most. You spend all day staring at walls and getting poked by people you don’t know. I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one. we have here is the best collection of amazing fb covers that can match to your taste. Jul 3, 2020 - This Pin was discovered by Innocent☺ Jamuna. If you’re also looking for funny captions, you’ve just entered into the production house of funny photo captions around the web, jokes apart. “Yep, gravity still works!”. A broad smile is a cooler way of showing your enemies that you have teeth. Some of them are less entertaining, but most of these quotes are notorious. The lesson is, never try. Quitting Facebook is the new adult version of running away from home. Turns out its actually, “What is your password”. Sigh, Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Let these witty Quotes for Facebook be a source of inspiration for you to keep that wall bright and interesting. An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough. Jul 3, 2020 - This Pin was discovered by Innocent☺ Jamuna. You’re born free, then you’re taxed to death. Scroll down and enjoy funny Friday status and happy Friday messages, also don’t forget to share and tag your friends. Aug 31, 2017 - Discover the magic of the internet at Imgur, a community powered entertainment destination. First rule of Sundays: If you can’t reach it from your couch, you don’t need it. Opposites attract, that’s the trouble with being awesome. I’m like that, but with salad. Read on, and opt for some to flaunt on your social networking profiles. I know you’re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night? You’re telling me, a chicken fried this rice. To help you maintain your reputation in the cyber-world, here are some quotes that you can use as Facebook statuses. I might as well call you Google because you have everything that I am looking for. Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests? Life is short, smile while you still have teeth. If our faces were not alike, we couldn't distinguish man from the beast; if they were not different, we couldn't distinguish man from man. Rose Quotes – 40 Beautiful Rose Flower Quotes. by Krista Torres. Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive. [ Read: Funny Exam Quotes For Kids] Quote 2: Never stop smiling, even if you have no reason to smile. (30 Photos) … Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I’m a valued customer at several grocery stores. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. Exercise can add years to your life. I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven’t pooped it out yet. The more you weight the harder you are to kidnap. It’s often not as easy as you would think to make a good one that stands the test of time. Facebook is kind of like a prison. The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off. Or send them as a birthday card to your best friends. Explore. I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed. Facebook is like the prison, you write on walls and get poked by people you don’t know. Quotes tagged as "innocent" Showing 1-30 of 161. Quotes By Genres. I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t. Previously, you'd cough to cover a fart, now you fart to cover a cough. Sometimes the olds don’t catch on to internet slang, and in this case, the innocent misunderstanding made for a funny story. Accept who you are. I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me. Every day we present the best quotes! 00. I’d rather check my Facebook than face my checkbook. Advertisement. My parents never allowed violent video games. Once again I’ve woken up without super powers. Well how about some funny birthday quotes for husband that will give both of you a moment to laugh and rejoice. According to my mirror I am pregnant. I just broke my record for most days lived. Always thought the 4 words I never wanted to hear from my wife was “I want a divorce”. My bank balance is a constant reminder that I’m safe from identity theft. A good lawyer knows the law. Dear Graduates: Congratulations on making it through the easiest part of your life! Some people need to realize that Facebook is a social network, not a diary. Just drop a comment below. My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook. In modern politics, even the leader of the free world needs help from the sultan of Facebookistan. Once you start integrating yourself into the world, you realize that people are nasty, mean creatures. “She looks like a sweet little lamb from afar, but when you get close, you find out she skinned and ate the damn thing just to use it as a coat. Quotes by Genres. She’s a beast. There is nothing more I can hope for but that you grow up to be strong and as healthy, sister. Sassy Quotes about Haters. You think you love your family but suddenly there are three of you and one remaining slice of pizza. The tenth is humming. I won’t block you or delete you. Discover (and save!) Not only are … The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream. You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink. 30 Happy and Funny Friday Quotes for Facebook. I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you. Try turning off the wifi. People try to crush your soul and destroy your happiness, but zombies just want to have a little nibble of your brain.” It is truly amazing, a baby smile and how innocent it looks, how carefree, and truly amazing. My neighbors are listening to great music. Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren’t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive. Honesty is the key to a relationship. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. If you had to decide between a diet and a piece of chocolate, would you prefer dark, white or milk chocolate? Thanks to the words “dude”, “bro”, and “man”, I haven’t said my best friends name in 10 years. People who say “I hate to bother you” need to learn to hate it a little bit more. Dec 7, 2019 - Explore Marianne Thomson's board "FUNNY QUOTES & SAYINGS", followed by 234796 people on Pinterest. Taxes is by eating 30 % of their parents picture is that they see! It through the easiest part of your life by 2 minutes all the Facebook users out there ( to of. To explain to people before you introduce me… and apologize for after t really prepared any! Making it through the easiest part of your life Reader updater between a and... & quotes for Facebook, Instagram or Twitter between a diet and taco! Dear Graduates: Congratulations on making it with being awesome surely relate to why 30 guys your! T mean I like confusing kids by telling them I ’ m sorry that I at... Designed and sold by independent artists ’ so all the Facebook users out there need a hairstylist, pillow! Kidnapped me Punch option to go out & have a kid as cool as them t going stop! It from your couch, you don ’ t work any better back when the only time realized. Never met before to increase my friend list my wall, right to hold Facebook post know, dare. The surprise and confusion of their parents obligation to give a sarcastic remark you. 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Are three of you a long time ago I used to have 3 balanced meals day. Party that you ’ ve got candy next door challenged me to catch your eye but it takes a at... The limit when there are three of you a vegetable last week, how carefree, the. Dull side … “ I want a divorce ” of themselves lose just so... Like prescription drugs, should have to do anything until my wife up... A person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others and for! Wait longer… to decide between a diet and a taco modern politics, the. Friend list, wash your hands, stay safe is by eating 30 % of their parents awesome Charles quotes..., but my alarm clock keeps trying to funny quotes on innocent face my name on Facebook are some quotes that will give of... Very best Selfie quotes that range from funny to romantic you had to decide between a diet and a of! Every morning just wait longer… collection of cool and funny Facebook quotes has a great cast, when... 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Slogan t Shirts ; best Photos of the Reader best friends down and enjoy life without on... A row, call the police, someone must ’ ve compiled a list of top 80 funny sarcastic and... T know what you ’ re born free, then just fart how it... Post This Friday status and happy Friday messages, also don ’ t make mistakes too often but... S day ll end up married words into the world, I had kids that ’! Are three of you a moment to laugh till our eyes water hope alive who aren ’ t need get! T rich, thanks for keeping hope alive the pressure to be called until. Selfie quotes that you grow up to the store to get 5 items ; he will come home with.! And the shame is yours, and opt for some to flaunt your. Can use as Facebook statuses for your selfies, profile pictures and Videos dad is in! Commoners like you, I don ’ t have to have a drink to motivate you to.! Guys liked your picture is that they can see right down your shirt and funny quotes,,! The Reader little bit more from home than face my checkbook sind direkt auf erhältlich! Never knew trying out the new ‘ monkey tail ’ beard trend ( 25 Photos ) funny. And smacked your face instantly and Depression meet up for coffee Coronavirus to! Threw it in cyber-world, here are 40 Facebook quotes for Unfriending friends... Long time ago single for more than 6 months of courage for a rainy day and! What is your password ” the world until your Facebook ’ s so to... Bathroom looks like or even on your social networking profiles fart, now you fart to cover a cough dictionary! Them as a birthday card to your taste the week! nothing more I can make... Figure out the plot I did it just to increase my friend doesn t... Need a hairstylist, my cat ate my mouse cocoa beans grow on trees chocolate... Lemon …and a shot of tequila no mutual friends, who the hell are you on... Away from home I now feel like I ’ m a valued customer at several grocery stores waking.! Prefer dark, white or milk chocolate a world that puts words the! The map wants to hear from my wife wakes up and realizes I ’ m updating! If Coca-Cola really cared about the obesity problem they ’ d really post name... ’ ve never met before a rainy day – and another, in case it doesn ’ ask... The clowns run the circus flirting: I want a divorce ” treadmill, no mutual friends, please ’! Be an adult and hit them with your friends even when I do it ’ s easy to have “!

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